कारमेल अप्प्ले पोप्स

Caramel candy pops are the greatest Halloween candy in the world. I once bought a package of three at work and ate them all in a row. I offered them to other people but it seems that their interests lay in their "personal health" and "overall gastronomic comfort." Needless to say I did not poop for about a week and then it was green. That's the whole story.

Caramel pops are really a cop out of halloween candy. Of all the candies that are already covered in caramel you bring to the market fruit. I could have chocolate dipped caramel fudge nuggets for 69 cents that will explode in an orgasm of flavor in your mouth, or unwashed apples dunked in sugar and molasses at the price of fruit. Could they pick a worse element to dunk it in? What's too chewy to eat, too rubbery to lick, and too gay to put on anything except the shitty candy bowl and you grandma's house: Caramel. What are you going to do, put it in your lunchbox so it has time to melt all over your other food by noon? Way to ruin fruit now that I think about it. Like you're somehow eating healthier because you found and edible ladle to consume your sticky sugar lust.
Fuck it Candy apples suck.