Home Invasion Response

The other day I was home during the week to pick up my new bank card and I forgot to get my house keys from my dorm.No cars were there and only a few of the lights were on. Naturally, I prayed that someone was home and that they would answer the door if I relentlessly rang the doorbell. My girlfriend Tanya was there with me and she was waiting in the car up until the twenty-minute mark when she got out and wisely told me to call the phone and see if anyone picks up. At the very least I would leave a voicemail stating I was outside and for somebody to open the door. Suddenly I notice that only the lights upstairs are on. Why someone would leave the ground floor lights off and the upper lights on got me a little suspicious and incredibly worried. I was literally two seconds away from calling the police when my brother half-naked runs down the stairs. Turns out my mom was in the hospital for surgery and he was taking a shower. 

This was not the only time I freaked out this badly. Against my own discretion, I am following Tanya's advice and telling this story. So during the school year about April, May I was thinking about skipping because, well I was a senior and it was before noon. So after about 8:30 I hear the garage door close and my dad drive away for work, leaving me home alone. I deceide, "naw fuck it" and go back to bed. About thirty minutes later I hear the garage door open and it wakes me up, now I suspect my Dad forgot something and came to quickly retrieve it. Well I hearhim shuffling around for a good ten minutes and realize that I didn't hear the garage door close. Now I wonder the worst, but my head is still level and I'm thinking it through, "maybe he's just taking a while." So I get up to go to the bathroom and on the way I hear heavy boots. Construction boots. Who wears construction boots to work? My Dad wouldn't wear his because I got them dirty working on my coop (different story). Now I direct my course down the first flight of stairs to investigate. Then I hear a duffel bag open. I literally freeze and shit my pants in the fastest microsecond humanly cappable without tearing through space-time. People take breifcases to work, what the fuck would my dad do with a duffel bag. So now that I'm thouroughly scared I panic and run back to my room. I think instinctively I was terrified by the prospect of waking up and having to deal with an intruder and I did what I would probably not have done sober: I called the police. I dial 911 and tell the operator in hacky breaths that there's someone in my house. I hear him move around some more so I run into the closet. My heart is RACING. I felt every heartbeat in my chest, teeth, eyes, and ears. It was like my heart was doing push-ups off my brain. Imagine what it feels like to fly naked through the air over a Catholic church with one of these attached to your ass.

It took what felt like forever for the officer to finally arive, the operator kept telling me he was on his way and that he was turning his siren off so nobody would hear him. She kept asking me where I was in the house and to remain calm, but FUCK THAT SHIT. I was so pumped at this point I found a broken knife blade and was getting ready for the imprompatu knife throwing lesson I was sure would work on the first try. As soon as I get up to walk out my door and take this fucker and go prehistoric on his ass, the operator tells me that it was, guess who? My Dad. All that. For nothing. I see the look on my dad's face when I go downstairs and the cop is asking him if he's the owner of the house and he looks at me with the most amused face that you can while being still thouroughly confused. I'm guessing he was wondering who called the cops on him in his own home, and when he saw that I wasn't at all surprised by the officer he put two and two together. I like to think I made his day. 

It turns out he was going on a business trip that day and the duffel bag was for his laptop. He went to the office to pick up some things before his flight left. He told me this the day before, but my survival instinct dictated that was useless information.After that, I ended up going to school. I didn't trust any of my previous decisions at that point. The funny part is that my Dad handled it so well that I wasn't embaressed by it so much as I thought it was innocently funny, so I told everyone I saw that day.